After last weekend's event on Sex & Pleasure I feel different. The stories shared and the women who came left a mark on my heart.
Each topic we have done has been special in its own way but I feel like this one really stood out for me.
I felt a little nervous planning the night, I felt that this topic really deserved to be facilitated well and I had never had an open group conversation about sex with people who were not my close friends before. As the evening got closer my nerves were replaced by excitement and anticipation. I took the time to make sure I had three main question prompts to help guide us and then I dove into preparing the space. My vision for the table design I knew had to be sensual fruits and red candles that would drip their wax all over the table as the night progressed. I wanted it to feel like when you saw the table you had a physical response to want to touch and taste it.
Hannah prepared a bright, fresh, and creative meal.
A salad of fresh peaches, cucumbers, chopped with basil and drizzled with tahini dressing. Pickled yellow squash and short ribs, marinated mushrooms, and whipped tofu with garlic and tomato confi.
Before we began the table was already filled with laughter as jokes were being made about the fruit on the table and it felt like the ice was breaking immediately as some of the guests had us giggling over their comments.
I wish I could form as beautifully into words what was shared last Friday night by the women who surrounded the table. Their stories and their powerful expressions of them living and being their truest selves was stunning to bear witness. Their stories had us shedding tears, laughing hard, and softly listening in rapt silence. Everyone stepped right into the vulnerability of sharing about their experiences and the stories they learned about sex from childhood and how as adults they embody their sensuality and experience pleasure.
Yes of course we talked about the classic sex topics but I was surprised to find the conversation shaped more around experiencing the sensual pleasure of life and the exoticness of nature. We talked about the importance of slowing down to really feel. To truly soak up the pleasure of life all around you. To really be connected to what you are feeling.
Do you take your time brushing your teeth? How does the fabric of your clothing feel on your skin? Do you savor every bite of your meal or are you multi-tasking or looking at your phone while you eat?
Do you allow life and nature to romance you, to awaken you?
We talked about shame stories around sex and our bodies, we talked about growing up with religious backgrounds and having to unlearn purity culture narratives. All of us no matter our backgrounds had to unlearn ideas of sex as adults. It was really wonderful having some powerful older women at the table who could tell us that in their 50s things just get better. Women shared about being later in life and single for the first time and how liberating that is and how they are coming home to themselves again. Some shared about how making love is inviting someone home because they have spent time knowing their bodies are their homes.
Others talked about the journeys they are still on in finding their connection with lovers and how disheartening that can be.
The night ended later than usual as we all wanted to linger.
Everyone asked me to make a group chat to exchange numbers so we could hang out again because the connection does not end after one night.
Some of my biggest take-aways that have truly shifted my thoughts around sex and pleasure are to be thinking about when I feel sexy and embodied in my life from the world around me like looking at a beautiful flower or biting into a juicy ripe peach and tasting the juices in each bite. Or to connect to my world more by slowing down and catching when I am doing too many things at once and being pulled from the moment.
It was also really powerful to be witnessed as I shared my own story with a group of women who I started the night off not knowing.
It is powerful to have a space where you are held and listened to by others.